Torn Asunder: Mending Infidelity
Dave Carder, MA

Though written with a faith-based foundation, the Torn Asunder approach has been
successfully used with couples from both non-religious and religious backgrounds. In fact the
program has been used by more than 100,000 couples in the process of trying to save
their marriages after infidelity.The primary focus of the program is not to restore the marriage,
but to stabilize it in the midst of the crises, so that the couple can make prudent decisions for the family’s future.
Regardless of which direction the marriage takes, several relationship components need
to be restored, such as forgiveness, respect and trust between the spouses. These spouses
are usually parents and this work between them is so exhausting that it has to be time
limited (90 days), highly structured, and emotionally helpful for the couple to stay in the
process. The work won’t be completed in 90 days, but the couple will be responding to
each other in more humane ways that lowers the tension in the family environment.

The program, based on the Torn Assunder Book and Workbook,  can be used by therapists,
clergy, marriage educators and even well-supervised peer counselors or mentor couples. The
latter is especially true if they have experienced infidelity first hand and have worked through
the material with their spouse of that marriage.

Participants will receive:
•    A DVD of the Conflict Resolution Training, done with a client-couple in a first-session hour
•    A certificate of completion which provides a free half-hour phone case consult
•    A DVD of an abbreviated presentation (3 hours) for your review as needed
•    A set of handouts for each segment of the workshop
•    A set (one book, one workbook) of the 2008 revised edition of Torn Asunder: Helping Couples Recover from Infidelity.

Topics of the seminar will include:
•    Marital prognoses based on the Marital Satisfaction Time Line
•    Review of the communication exercises utilized in the stabilization process; monologues,
        spousal-selected monologues, dialogues, prayer exercises and sensate-focus practices
•    Summary of marital styles prone to infidelity
•    Clarification of infidelity type based on eight distinguishing characteristics
•    Criteria for establishing affair onset and recovery direction
•    Verification of the four stages of affair development
•    Rationale and benefits of disclosure to spouse
•    Interventions to contain anger, impulsivity, and obsessiveness in both spouses
•    Procedures to help couple work through identified couple-specific issues
•    Organization of the structured forgiveness exercise
•    Overview of weekly homework exercises for each spouse
•    Utilization of the final project in the after care and launch process of the couple
•    Final review of common “couple stuck points” with multiple suggestions for restarting the process



Dave Carder: http://www.TornAsunder.org or 714-529-5544 or  Dave.Carder@evfreefullerton.com

Back to Institutes page